Monday, August 8, 2016

Broken Hearted

My original post for today was going to be all about how much work I accomplished around the house yesterday and then I was going to do my weekly menu plan....

But, as of early this afternoon my heart is no longer in it.

Part of me feels like this isn't MY story to tell....

But, then part of me feels like it is because it partially affect us too.

Anyone who has been reading my blog for awhile now knows the struggle my brother in law is having with alcohol addiction.  Currently his liver AND kidneys are failing.  He had been very close to receiving a liver about a month ago but just far enough away to not get it.

Now, he is probably never going to get one.

A few days ago, he was readmitted into the local hospital closest to him for some pain/weakness in his legs....

And guess what?

They discovered he has been drinking again. 

He told Papa today that it was "only one drink" but one drink - heck one SIP - is too many for an alcoholic!  Especially one that is being monitored for a liver transplant.

I don't have all the details yet as Papa told me during his lunch break.  BUT, I believe the best possible scenario is that the clock resets and he has to go six months forward without having another drink before he can be reconsidered for the transplant list.

With the current state of his health, I think six months will be longer than he lasts.

Papa is obviously devastated. 

And, I am heartbroken as well.  This is not the same man that Papa introduced me to all those years ago.  He is trapped somewhere in a body that is being ravaged by a horrid and unyielding disease.  His marriage is all but lost and he is unemployable.  His life is in shambles, his body is shutting down, and I think he just doesn't have any fight left in him.

Mostly, my heartaches for his children - ages 17, 14, and 12.  His youngest (our nephew) is my favorite and I worry the most about what he will do without my brother in law around.

I am upset for my beautiful husband who has found something he cannot "fix".  He is in the process of coming to terms with the fact that he will in all likely hood be burying both his mother and younger brother within a short period of time from now.

If anyone you know and love is battling with addiction, please do whatever you have to in order to admit them into a respected rehab program.  Don't take no for an answer.

I wish my brother in law's hand  had been forced and someone had gotten him into one long ago when there was still a chance for recovery.

Now recovery is a million too many miles away.


  1. As I can tell you from my family's experience with addiction, you cannot force someone to quit drinking. They have to want it...unfortunately that urge to numb their pain often wins out. It's heartbreaking, especially for those of us that love them.

    Hugs to you and your husband.

    1. Thanks Stephanie....I think everyone in the family is finally realizing that there's nothing anyone can do about it.

      Also, I think Papa is understanding that his donating part of his liver to save his brother isn't really an option anymore. The drinking isn't under complete control, obviously, since I was mistaken and it wasn't one drink. My BIL finally admitted he pretty much went on a bender. There is NO WAY I would/could support Papa risking his life and our family's well being for someone who isn't fully recovered. It just can't happen - no matter how much I love him. Papa and our girls come first.

  2. I am so sorry for you and T's family. Stephanie is right, no one can stop him from drinking but himself.

    1. Thanks Sandie, you and I have talked about this a number of times so you know how hard it is for Papa to finally realize. He and my BIL talked for awhile last night about what to do with the review board if/when the hospitals communicate and it's brought to light that he drank. Papa pretty much told him to throw himself at their mercy and request to be put into counseling for depression and possibly rehab if available. Unfortunately, neither of us are sure he's going to do that.

  3. I am so sorry! It is hard to sit back and watch someone basically take their own life through their addictions. I have seen it a number of times in my own family (which may be why I hardly ever drink). So sorry you guys have to watch this happen.

    1. Thanks Rachel. My biological father and both grandfathers were alcoholics and I very rarely drink as well....Maybe one drink three times per year? So, I know all too well the scenario. It's strange to watch my BIL though because when I first met him a quarter century (!) ago, he HATED alcohol! But, the stress of his old occupation (inner city paramedic) and ongoing depression took over. It's horrible to watch but I cannot let him drag us down the rabbit hole with him, you know? I am hoping that he goes into counseling and gets placed into rehab like he should have three years ago.