Tuesday, September 27, 2016

Brooding..



My mood has been so funky since Sunday afternoon.  A lot of crap is going around my head so I guess I'm going to "brain dump" it here.  If you want to go ahead and skip reading this post, I'm perfectly fine with that.  I just wonder if writing it all down will help my mood improve, you know?

Anyway....

Senior pictures are done a LOT earlier than I thought.  And G1 found out today that they were offering head shots at school by previously scheduled appointment only!  While I know it's partly the high school not communicating effectively with emails of proper dates and such, I still feel like if I was "on my game" I would have known all the information.  So, now I am scrambling to put out the fire and get her into a photographer and pictures submitted before the October 16th deadline!  I *think* we are set since our photographer says they can do it if we pick a day soon but still I can't stand when things are rushed like this.  It feels like I am dropping the ball.

I am finding it difficult to be a "best friend" right now.  I love my BFF like a sister but her life is drastically different than mine - which isn't usually a problem.  However, right now, there are a few (what I consider) minor annoyances going on in her life (appliance broke down, cosmetic house issues) and, while I am trying so hard to be sympathetic, she is turning these issues into full blown tragedies.  It's now going on TWO WEEKS for the appliance issue and I have heard about it every single day.  I try so hard to be patient and supportive but it's getting beyond difficult.  Plus, truthfully, I am aggravated because she hasn't once asked me how things were going - and she knows there is stuff happening here.

As for some of  that "stuff" going on here....As I think I mentioned Papa's brother is in the hospital again.  He has a staph infection that went into his blood stream and made him septic.  While he is recovering from this issue, he has been refusing to take a medication that helps him process the ammonia in his body since his liver can't do it.  Not taking this med more or less "pickles" his brain and he has absolutely no clue where he is/what he's doing.  We saw him Sunday afternoon and he asked me three times in the course of thirty minutes when I had gotten there.  He is hallucinating that people are there that aren't. Plus he's literally drifting in and out of consciousness.  It's really bad.  It CAN get better *but* he has to take the damn medication!  I'm trying not to get aggravated but I can't help it.  Papa is putting in so many hours at work and then is expected to be his brother's caregiver too - and still has to hear crap about not doing enough!  Last night I also found out that, Papa's mom doesn't want his brother coming back to her house until he is in better condition.  The hospital plans on sending him to short term physical rehab since he's so weak but it sounds like Papa's mom wants him to stay in the hospital until he's "better".  In a way I can't blame her because she's still recuperating herself.  But....Now  I'm worried that we are going to be asked to take him in once he gets out.  And that's something I will not be able to handle.  Yes, I am worrying over something that may not happen but there is also a decent chance the question will be asked.

And, lastly, I'm beyond nervous about starting this new medication.  It is arriving this evening via UPS and I have to read the information to see if I can start it tonight or not.  Part of me thinks it's better to start tonight so that, if I suffer any side effects, Papa is here with me for a longer period of time.  (Side effects usually occur after thirty minutes of taking the pill) If I wait until tomorrow, he has to go off to work early so I would be by myself.  I'm most worried about the "flushing" side effect which occurs in one out of every four people.  I have had flushing three times before with my previous medication and it sets me into full blown panic attack mode.

So, yeah.  I'm not my normal self today.  Hopefully my mood will improve soon.  If you read all the way until this point, I hope I didn't depress you!  LOL

Have a great Tuesday for me everyone!

5 comments:

  1. I prefer to have someone with me when starting a new med. I think it would give you so much peace of mind to have your husband there. I know that panicky feeling so do everything you can to relieve that stress for yourself. Will keep you in my prayers. As for worrying about things before they happen you are probably a lot like me. I need to figure these things out the best I can before something is sprung on me out if the blue. Protect your heath, wellbeing and your family. (kids, husband) I know he is your husbands brother but there are times you and your immediate family have to come first and this sounds like one if them . Take care.

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    1. Thank you for your kind words Crystal! And, I agree with you about the new meds. Papa has a dinner meeting tonight but is going to try to get home quickly. I'll take my first dose tonight so he's here to monitor me and, if the flushing thing happens, be able to talk me through it.
      I totally do worry about things before they happen so I can try to figure it out! Glad I'm not the only one! =)
      Hope all is well with you!

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  2. UGH!! I have a lot of friends that are all about them and it makes it hard when there are things going on in your life that you want to talk out. It is harder when it is your best friend. Glad you were able to vent here and get it out. I hope that the new meds work well and you don't get the side effects. I am always nervous to start meds too but mine are so much less strong then the ones you need. I am going to cross my fingers and hope that things go well!!!

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    1. Thanks Alison! My BFF is really an awesome, generous, and overall very nice lady but sometimes I think I just need a break from all the unneeded drama she tends to create for herself - I try to remember that she is single and it can get lonely for her but sometimes I cannot handle consoling her and everything on my own plate/my own mood. Anyway, thanks for reading my venting! LOL
      Thanks for the good vibes on the meds too! =)

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  3. ☹️. So much going on. Contacting you.

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