Sometimes it takes a real scare for something to finally "click".....
As I mentioned yesterday, I went to see my neurologist (whom I adore). Not going to lie, I was petrified and have been very anxious about my MS relapsing. Here's why....I have the "good" kind of MS which is Relapsing Remitting. That basically means I get a "lesion" either in my brain or spine but then it heals itself and I move on with occasional "flares" from the old lesion (particularly when I am sick). But, sometimes Relapsing Remitting transforms in Primary Progressive MS, which is just plain nasty. With Primary Progressive, there is just a slow steady marching decline...no ebbs and flows.....way worse prognosis.
I was really worried that either:
1. This was a new lesion that was in a really "bad" spot that could leave me wheelchair bound.
2. My MS diagnosis was going to change to Primary Progressive.
Neither of which is the case.
Ready for what's going on?
But, not really LOL.
My neuro is awesome and didn't quite put it that way.
However, the deal is my left leg IS compromised by the MS in that it's weaker. He is putting me on a new med to help with the night spasms and hopefully will take away some of the pain. But, I believe he used the words "muscular skeletal" to explain what was happening.
The gist of the conversation:
Me: (completely relieved and practically beaming at Papa) So, what can I do about what's going on if it's not completely MS?
Doc: (smiles) You aren't going to like what I have to say...
Me: Go ahead and tell me
Doc: (sheepish grin and waiting for me to jump out of my seat and pummel him) Well, lose some weight and get in shape
(Then he continued by telling me my left leg was weaker, etc)
Am I shocked to find out that I have to lose weight?
Of course not.
I have known for a long time now that my weight was getting out of control.
But, it just clicked yesterday.
I HAVE to put myself first and get this taken care of RIGHT NOW!
It's just gotten too important for my health and future quality of life.
Papa doesn't care if I am fat or skinny...But now he's worried about my health too. Like he said this morning, it's like my body has reached its breaking point with the weight and MS together.
I am back to doing Wednesday Weigh In's with the lovely Rachel and plan on updating every week again.
This time I am laying it all out there like she does though.
I'm a tiny bit shy of 5'4" and my weight this morning was 184.7 lbs.
I weighed that when I was nine months pregnant with Guppy 2!
I won't get down this time though. It's a starting point. I don't want to see that number ever again.
Ideally, I want to lose 50 lbs. I don't think that will happen overnight....or even by the end of this year. But, it's time to REALLY head towards that number in earnest.
I even told Papa and the Guppies what I weighed - which I don't think I have ever done before.
My family knows they need to step up and help out more so that I can focus on this.
They also know to knock any crap outta my hands before it reaches my mouth too! Haha!
I was so worried about ending up wheelchair bound....
And now I find out that, at least for the moment, whether or not that happens is completely up to me.
I hope you will follow this journey with me because I'm sure I could use the moral support down the road. =)
Have a great Wednesday everyone!